Notes: Should I send my kid to preschool?

Context

As I was doing research [in April 2025] on preschool options for my son (currently 14 months old), it occurred to me that this is not at all mandatory and yet everyone in my circles in San Francisco seems to do it, so I started getting curious about the big picture. How did preschool come about? And what other options or timelines are there?

I posted the following question in a couple of Mom groups and to several friends and ended up with so many responses I needed to synthesize them in writing for myself. Here are my notes as a resource for anyone else making this decision.

PS. This is especially important to me since my work life as a freelancer is very seasonal and flexible. Related reading: on the realities of parent-artist-freelancer life and how it all patches together.

The question I posted:

new toddler mom question -- did anyone here decide not to put their kid in preschool (ie: if you didn't need the care because you're mostly home)? of course there are the school preparedness/socialization benefits and we are leaning toward it but as I explore options I just wanted to understand all the paths! so far, the standard care paths for working parents seem to be: nanny/daycare till 2, preschool till 4 and then tk+, but also wondering what alternative paths there are between 2-4, especially if one parent takes time off work in that window for care. tldr: how did you approach how much preschool to do and/or if you opted out, why? feel free to DM if you're up to chat about it!

P.P.S. At the bottom I’ve pasted some quick (unverified) context from ChatGPT on what preschool is.

✨ From the moms!

This is by no means an exhaustive list of considerations, I literally just quickly compiled things that seemed to get repeated a lot or stood out to me.

Overall advice and sentiments about this decision:

• This decision is super kid and family dependent.
• There are many right options; you don’t have to do what others do.
• You know your child best and what’s right for them and you.
• Don’t feel pressure to do it a certain way.
• Try what feels right and reassess in a year.

Examples of kid circumstances to consider:

• Transition Tolerance: could be tough on some kids and some parents want to limit or make them slower/more phased
• Temperament + Existing Community: kids have a range of temperaments and existing social circles by 2. some may be shyer and parents want socialization. others already have a baby crew to hang with due to existing nanny or parent circles they are in
• Birthday cutoff: kids who miss the birthday cutoff to enter at 2.5 years old have to figure out an alternative to preschool before they are eligible for the next year

Examples of parent circumstances to consider:

• if super demanding work schedule, nanny may provide more flexibility than preschool
• some parents have flexible schedules and don’t need same amount of care everyday
• parents may be trying to maximize time with kid before school years
• if parents have extended mat/pat leave due to younger siblings being born, keeping toddler home too is an option
• norms are different in different cities so pressures can feel different
• cost of preschool is high — especially if multiple kids in preschool at the same time

Examples of Delayed, Combo or No Preschool Solutions:

• Timeline examples:
• Phased transition:
• example: steadily increase social activities till 4 and then enroll in preschool
• example: start part-time at 2 and then increase (bonus that they can afternoon nap at home)
• Stay in Daycare:
• already love/trust caregivers
• may have younger siblings in same daycare
• Skipped altogether:
• multiple kids close in age so it saved money
• at least 1 parent home for each new birth and wanted toddler home too
• Care Team examples
• Core Caretaker: SAHM/D or Nanny
• Schedule: part-time preschool or forest school sprinkled into week along with activities
• Options for socialization/activities:
• Part-time preschool or forest school
• Nanny friends meet-ups
• Museums/activities/lots that the city has to offer
• CCSF Playgroup classes

Pros of Combinations

• Offers flexibility, which could be a want or a need
• Allows whole family to transition more slowly to school life
• Can do the math on affordable combos
• [I would add:] Can also dial up and down based on the season, I imagine

Constraints of Combinations

• Preschool part-time + Nanny is expensive
• Part-time program depends on getting in
• Nanny may not want to work part-time

Content Reccs

• Podcast: Episode 73 of No One Told Us: Choosing the Right Daycare and Tips for Transitioning with Elise Disher
• Book: Your Three Year Old by Louis Bates Ames

💻 Quick Unverified ChatGPT Context on Preschool:

What is preschool, exactly?

Preschool is early childhood education for children typically between ages 2 to 5. It’s not mandatory, and it’s not part of the public school system in California (though there are occasional exceptions or city-funded programs). Parents usually pay privately.

Preschool differs from daycare primarily in focus:

• Daycare is primarily about providing safe childcare for working parents. It focuses on routine, socializing, play, meals, naps, and supervision.
• Preschool usually emphasizes educational activities, such as early literacy, math basics, motor skills, art, emotional and social skills, and school readiness.

In reality, many programs blend both care and education.

How preschool began in America

Preschools have been around in the U.S. since the late 19th century, but widespread acceptance grew significantly after World War II:

• Early preschools in the late 1800s and early 1900s often emerged from social reform movements designed to provide care and basic education for working-class families.
• Head Start, a federally funded preschool program started in 1965, aimed at low-income families, significantly increased public awareness and acceptance of preschool education. It showed measurable positive impacts on early childhood development and long-term educational outcomes.

In the 1970s and 1980s, a more widespread middle-class preschool model evolved. More affluent families began seeing preschool as essential preparation for kindergarten—driving market growth and private preschools.

Preschool in San Francisco

San Francisco has historically been a progressive city with robust early-childhood programs compared to many other American cities. It has long had city-supported programs for lower-income families, as well as a very competitive private preschool market.

Because of high housing costs and a population of parents who often work full-time, San Francisco saw an especially strong market for early childhood education and care. Private preschools, co-ops, and daycare/preschool hybrids flourished.

Today, San Francisco’s preschool landscape includes:

• Private preschools: Often pricey ($1,500–$3,000/month or more), popular with middle and upper-middle-class families. They emphasize academic readiness, social-emotional development, and enrichment.
• Co-op preschools: Parents help run these schools to lower costs, often emphasizing community involvement and progressive philosophies.
• Head Start and publicly subsidized programs: For lower-income families, often with long waiting lists due to high demand.
• Family childcare providers: Home-based providers offering a hybrid between daycare and preschool environments.

What is Transitional Kindergarten (TK)?

Transitional Kindergarten (TK) is a relatively new California public school program introduced in 2012 to bridge the gap between preschool and kindergarten. TK provides one extra year of early childhood education for kids whose birthdays fall between September 2 and April 2, making them too young for traditional kindergarten. It’s publicly funded and free.

As of recent changes (2023–2025), California is expanding TK eligibility so that eventually, all four-year-olds (regardless of birthday) can access free TK by the 2025–2026 school year.

Important note: TK is NOT preschool for 2- or 3-year-olds. It’s specifically designed for the year before kindergarten.

So, why are families paying for preschool if TK is free?

Great question. Here’s the real dynamic behind preschool popularity:

• Need for childcare: Many families need childcare coverage starting around age 2, since most parents work. Preschools fill that market gap.
• Social expectation: Especially in urban areas like San Francisco, preschool has become a cultural norm. Parents may feel pressured to enroll their kids to keep pace socially and academically.
• Educational readiness: Many parents see preschool as an important stepping stone to school success, despite research suggesting it’s not strictly necessary for every child.
• Limited space in public programs: Until recently, free, publicly funded preschool education was limited or unavailable to many families. So, private preschool became the default.
• Convenience and peace of mind: Families often prefer structured, predictable settings that blend education and care, rather than unstructured daycare options.

What do most families typically do?

In San Francisco, a common pattern looks something like:

• Ages 0–2: Nanny, family care, daycare, or nanny-share.
• Ages 2–4: Private preschool or family daycare with educational programming.
• Age 4–5: Transition to Transitional Kindergarten (free public option).
• Age 5+: Kindergarten and elementary school (public or private).

However, this is shifting somewhat as TK becomes more universally accessible in California. Some families may skip expensive preschools and simply go straight to TK at age 4, but they still need childcare before that.